3.48: Offer

Okay. I did it. I finally made up my mind.

I think.

I guess I’ve had a while to think about it. Submitting the application, doing all the phone and Skype interviews… It took a few weeks. Then they took some time to talk it over, I guess. And that gave me some time to decide too.

I could have backed out any time I wanted. Hell, I came pretty close a few times. But I never did.

And the other day… They finally gave me an offer.

I almost couldn’t believe that it was real. It all seems too good to be true… This job is perfect for me. It’s everything I’ve always wanted. I had to be dreaming, didn’t I? But I wasn’t.

I asked for a week to make up my mind. It’s only been two days… But I think I’ve figured it out.

I mean, I’ve already been looking at apartments, even before I got the offer… One sounds really promising. I’ve been calling and emailing the landlord about it already. It’s a decent size for one person, a reasonable price, only a thirty minute commute from the lab…

And only ten minutes from Josh. Right in the heart of Willow Creek.

I think I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna say yes.

But I need to talk to my family first. I can’t make this official without telling them. It’s not right. Is it?

Oh God. My family.

Can I really do this? I love them. I don’t want things to change. I don’t want to leave them behind. I seriously feel sick just thinking about leaving them. I’m not kidding. Like, I actually feel like I’m going to puke.

But you know what also makes me sick? Thinking about being stuck here for the rest of my life. I can’t do it. I know I can’t.

So I guess I won’t.

I just keep thinking about everything grandpa told me. How unhappy he was back in Newcrest. How coming to Windenburg was the best thing he ever did…

I know I won’t ever be happy if I stay here. There’s nothing in this city for me. I know there isn’t. I mean sure, maybe going to Willow Creek will be just as bad. Maybe I won’t find what I’m looking for there either. But if I never try… how will I ever know?

I just have no idea how I’m gonna tell everyone. I’ve been trying so hard to keep this whole thing a secret… But now I’ve gotta come clean. I’ve gotta tell them the truth. Including Josh.

Luc knows about the job offer, of course. But I made him promise not to tell. And from the sound of it, he’s kept his word. Josh has been here for almost a week – one last visit before the kids go back to school and Tobi goes back to work. And he hasn’t said anything yet.

Mama and Jonas invited him over for dinner tomorrow night… So that’s when I’m gonna do it. I’m just gonna suck it up and tell them… And pray it doesn’t turn into a disaster.

I keep telling myself that I’m doing the right thing. That this is what’s best for me. That my family will support me no matter what.  That everything’s gonna be okay.

I can’t wait until I finally start believing it.