It’s crazy how much can change in just a few months.
For better and for worse.
I know it’s been a while since I’ve really written anything. Just too crazy, like it usually is this time of year. Add in baby Gus, visits from Josh, and getting ready for the World Cup, and… Yeah, I was lucky to find time to breathe, let alone write.
But now it feels like I’ve got nothing but time, ever since we totally BLEW IT in the first fucking round.
Shit. It still hurts like Hell. I can’t remember the last time I’ve felt so goddamn miserable. Ever. I mean, who knows when I’ll ever get a chance at the World Cup again? I just can’t believe we fucked it all up…
Anyway, between my sulking and Stefan’s (can you believe he’s still working part time down at the pharmacy? He just can’t catch a break, I guess), I think everyone’s really looking forward to getting rid of us for a couple of weeks.
That’s the one silver lining, I guess – with my team out of the finals and Stefan’s job offer falling through, we were able to push our trip forward a little bit. This time next week, we’ll be in Willow Creek with Josh and his family.
I’m definitely looking forward to it. It’ll be nice to take my mind off all the shit going on here at home, and to finally meet Josh’s family – my family too, I guess. I’m really excited to meet everyone in person… And to travel to the US for the first time.
And you might think Mama would be losing her mind about this whole thing, but she’s actually handling it pretty well, all things considered. I mean, Stefan and I have never gone so far from home before, so she’s kinda freaking out about that, I guess. No matter how many times we tell her not to worry.
“You’re my babies.” She keeps saying. “I’ll always worry.”
But I think she knows we’ll be in good hands. Remember what I said about things changing?
I’m not sure exactly when it happened, but… well, I never thought I’d say this, but Mama and Josh are… I’m not sure if you can really call them “friends”, exactly. But it’s incredible. I mean, if you’d ever told me back when this all started that things would ever be like this… I probably would have asked you to get your head checked out or something.
Anyway, I’m just so relieved to see Mama happy again. I was afraid we were losing her, for a while. But ever since Christmas, things have been getting better and better for her. And when things are better for Mama, well, they’re better for all of us.
Or at least… almost all of us.
Nothing’s ever easy – I learned that a long time ago. So while Mama’s been getting better, Stefan’s been getting, well… worse, I guess.
Ever since we were kids, Stefan’s been… I’m not sure how to describe it. “Unhappy” just doesn’t feel right. I mean, my Bruder laughs and smiles all the time, and tells all kinds of lame jokes, just like Mama and Jonas. He’s fun. He’s upbeat. He always has been.
But underneath it all… I don’t know. I guess I thought finding Josh would have made it better, y’know? And at first, it seemed like it did. But now I’m not so sure.
Maybe I’m looking too much into it. Maybe it’s my own shitty mood talking. I dunno.
I just really hope things get better after we visit Josh.
For both of us.