How the Hell did everything go so damn wrong?
I’ve felt like shit ever since dinner last night. It was just… a disaster.
Everything seemed okay at first. I mean, everyone was getting along pretty well, except for Mama. And honestly, she wasn’t even that bad. I mean, yeah, she was upset, and uncomfortable too. We could all see it. But she didn’t say anything bad, y’know? I thought maybe there was a chance we’d get through it without the whole thing going to shit.
But I was wrong.
Clara made one stupid little comment, and it set Mama off. She always takes everything so damn personally… Even Jonas knew she didn’t really mean it. Clara loves him. She wouldn’t actually trade him away for Josh.
But Mama didn’t care. She was mad.
So of course she started getting snarky with Josh… And it started to set him off too.
That was hard to watch. I mean, he’s been nothing but kind and friendly ever since the day he got here. Seeing him so angry was… weird.
He called Mama a Miststück. A bitch.
I couldn’t believe it. I mean yeah, Mama can be pretty damn difficult. We all know that. And she was being kind of a, well, y’know. We all know that too. But… She’s my Mama. I don’t care how crazy she’s being – you don’t call her something like that in front of me.
First I was just shocked, y’know? Then mad as Hell. And finally just… sad, I guess.
I know Josh feels terrible about it. He spent half the afternoon apologizing to us today… I’d always assumed I got my temper from Mama. But I guess it comes from both sides. Josh told us he’s always struggled with his anger, but he’s gotten pretty good at controlling it. He says this is the first time he’s lost control in a long time.
Maybe that means there’s still hope for me too.
Anyway, I know he’s sorry. And Tobi and I forgave him, but… I just… I feel… UGH. I just don’t know.
I’m still mad at him. And I’m even more mad at Mama. But I think I might be mad at myself more than anyone else… Why the Hell did I ever think this dinner thing would be a good idea?!
None of this is how I imagined it’d be. I guess I fooled myself into thinking this would all work out somehow. Mama would be happy. Josh would get along with my family. And I could finally be happy for once in my damn life…
Yeah right. Who the Hell was I kidding?
Nothing’s that easy.