3.36: Nightmare

I honestly never thought I’d be writing these words…

But today, I met my biological Vater.

And it was…

Well, a lot of things, really.

“Overwhelming” is probably the first word that comes to mind. I mean, the moment we saw him… the real him, in-person, it just… hit me, if you know what I mean.

I’ve been trying to tell myself it all didn’t matter… That I didn’t really care about meeting Josh. But you know what? I do care. A Hell of a lot. And actually meeting him was just… unbelievable. In a good way.

And as for Stefan… I don’t think I’ve ever seen my Bruder so happy. Seriously. When I saw him hug Josh… Well, I was happy for him. But it was strange too. I mean, I can’t even remember the last time he’s hugged Jonas. Not since we were kids. But he just ran up and hugged Josh like it was nothing… It was kinda weird, I guess.

But I knew how long he’d been dreaming of this. And I never told him… but deep down, so had I.

I just wish I knew what to say. But I guess I just kinda… froze. Talking to him on the phone was one thing, but seeing him face-to-face was… I don’t even know the word for it, really.

I hope he could tell how happy I was – how sincere I was when I told him how much it meant to meet him.

I didn’t really say much else. I was too busy kinda taking it all in. But he didn’t say much either, really. Part of me couldn’t help but wonder what he could be thinking…

But I really think he was happy too.

And when we were in the car on the way to the hotel, it all just felt… Natural, or something. Stefan gabbing away in the back, Josh laughing in the passenger seat… I was so afraid things would be awkward. But they weren’t.

Well, not yet at least.

I’m so happy Josh is here… But I’m so worried about Mama.

She’s SO upset. Maybe more upset than I’ve ever seen her. Seriously. Screaming her head off at me and Stefan, and crying in her bedroom last night with Papa… I could hear her all the way from across the hall.

I know what we did wasn’t right. I know why she’s so mad at us. I think I even know why she’s mad at Josh, too.

But something tells me she isn’t gonna let this go. And I’ll be honest, I’m terrified about what she might do.

Papa has been so great about this whole thing, just like I knew he’d be. And he promised he’d keep an eye on Mama for us. Take care of her, y’know?

But I feel like it’s just a matter of time before she… I dunno. Does something, I guess. Tries to mess it all up.

Stefan keeps telling me this whole thing feels like a dream come true, and I think so too.

I just hope Mama doesn’t turn it into a nightmare.