3.31: Afraid of What?

Well, I won’t be surprised if I’m out of a job by this time next year.

I’m pretty sure coach is gonna bench me for the rest of the season if I keep playing like this. Probably even try to let me go at the end of the year if I don’t get my shit together.

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It’s just… I can’t focus lately. At all. I’m so damn distracted all the time… On and off the field.

04-17-16_9-13-00 PM

Things are just crazy right now. The baby’s due in three months, Jocelyne’s getting picked on at school, Clara’s been giving Mama and Papa so much attitude lately…

And Stefan won’t leave me alone about our letter to Josh.

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I’m afraid he might be onto me.

Every time I open that dresser drawer, it’s like I can feel it there – judging me, or something. Reminding me I’m the worst Bruder in the world.

04-17-16_10-59-16 PM

I even take it out sometimes… That little paper envelope that’s causing me and Stefan so much grief. I feel sick looking at it – That name and address, written so carefully in Stefan’s familiar hand:

Mr. Joshua Yuen
44 Mason Lane
Willow Creek
USA

04-17-16_11-00-50 PM

And Joshua will never see it. Because I’m too much of a damn coward.

It was such a last-minute decision. I saw the postman’s truck at the top of our street… And I panicked.

04-17-16_11-04-13 PM

I don’t even think I can explain what I’m so afraid of.

Finding out that this guy is a piece of shit who doesn’t care about us?

Or that he isn’t?

I’m not sure which is worse.

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No matter what kind of response we would have gotten, it would have changed, well… EVERYTHING. And I’m just so damn scared of messing everything up.

I don’t think my Bruder realizes it, but I’ve always wondered about my biological Vater. Ever since I was a kid, I’ve wanted to meet him. I’ve never been as… enthusiastic as Stefan, of course. But the thought’s always been there in the back of my mind.

But… Is getting an answer really worth the risk?

I still don’t know…

God, I can’t believe I really did this.

I’m not sure how much longer I can keep this up before I crack or something. Stefan keeps making me feel so damn guilty with all of his questions.

And then, last night… Colette found the letter.

And she FLIPPED.

04-17-16_11-06-58 PM

I practically had to beg to get her to promise she won’t tell Stefan. If you can even call it a promise…

“I’ll keep quiet… For now.” She told me. “But this isn’t right, Tobi. And you know it.”

She’s so damn cute when she’s angry. But I know I she was serious. And I feel like shit. I really do. I just –

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46 thoughts on “3.31: Afraid of What?

  1. Haha. They’re both still little kids, the Rosebrook brothers (which is perfectly ok. I mean they are still in their early twenties.)

    Also, the football set up was really neat. Makes me wish it actually existed.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hahahaha yeahhhhh Tobi may not be quite as mature as we thought 😉 What a shit move hahahaha. But yes, they’re both only 23. Still have a lot of growing up to do!

      And I’m glad you liked the football field! I downloaded it from the gallery, I must confess haha I’m not anywhere near creative enough to make that myself!

      Like

  2. Hold it right there! That letter we just saw: is it the same one Stefan wrote to Josh months ago or is it a different one?

    If it’s the same one, then oh bejesus, what is this monstrosity?! Maybe Stefan told Tobi to mail it for him and he forgot to do it and decided to hide it because he’s a scaredy cat. Seriously, Tobi?! Stop hiding secrets or else a monster will be trampling your dreams!

    Oh, another theory could be Josh has moved to another city and that letter must’ve been returned back to the brothers and Tobi got the letter and hid it. SO many possibilities!!

    Oh, Stefan and Tobi, you still have a lot to learn. They sure need to grow up and act their age.

    Say, that football field looks great!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hehehe I knew it wasn’t Josh’s fault! And there I was thinking Tobi was all mature… Stefan is going to be so angry! You know how your brother is, Tobi.

    And…
    ‘She’s so damn cute when she’s angry. But I know I she was serious.’ Made me laugh so hard. Poor Tobi.

    And poor Jocelyne. I say correct the bullies’ grammar and never speak to you again. Believe me, that’s a strategy that works wonders… 😀

    Awesome update, Citizen! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ooh you’re the first one to side with Tobi on this XD It’s a big risk, so his fear is definitely valid! But I think hiding the letter was super shitty hahaha

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes, it was. But, Stefan…I get both sides. You are afraid to take that risk, but Stefan is really only thinking of himself. What about the implications to Tobi’s career? What this will put his Mother through, she’s already gone through so much, and she is reminded of her past mistakes each time she looks at the boys, because even though she loves them so much, they weren’t planned. They were BEAUTIFUL mistakes, but mistakes nonetheless. Tobi has kids now, and another on the way, his job is on the fritz. He doesn’t need anymore drama, and his twin is very much bringing it in. Nothing good will come of this I fear.

        Like

  4. I can’t believe what i’m reading! Tobi how could you?! I definitely did not expect such betrayal of trust from him. Not if, but when, Stefan finds out he will flip out, worse than Colette did. Tobi is standing between Stefan and his (theirs?) dream! I don’t see how Stefan can ever forgive him for this, considering how obsessed he is with this.

    I am shocked beyond words o.o This demands some Witcher 3 to blow off steam…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sorry for giving you a heart attack with this shock! XD Tobi definitely messed up really badly… :-/ Hopefully Stefan can be strong and mature enough to forgive!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. What? This seems so out of character to me. I mean Tobi has always been so responsible and mature about everything, but when it comes to this he turns back into a little boy. How could he do this to Stefan? He knows how much this means to him and to disappoint and betray him like that… And he really didn’t think about the consequences. I mean sooner or later Stefan is going to find out, especially since he kept the letter. And when he does… I really wouldn’t want to be in his shoes when that happens.

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    1. I’m sorry this felt out of character to you! 😦 Tobi has always been the “responsible” one, it’s true. But he had this moment of panic and made a rash decision.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes, people do stupid things when they panic. And He knows that this was a stupid decision.I’m just worried, since Stefan is so hot headed

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  6. Yeah, Tobi is very unsure and kind of afraid of the unknown right now haha. He likes things the way they are right now and knows that contacting their biologicla father will change things, one way or another…

    Still… a very uncharacteristically dick move on his part hahahaha.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I’m really disappointed with Tobi. Like all these years you didn’t even really care about meeting your biological dad, at least not as much as Stefan did. And to ruin this for him, when you know how bad Stefan NEEDS this?? Stefan has always had your back. SMH .

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah this is NOT Tobi’s best moment :-/ I dont’ think though that Tobi didnt’ care about meeting their biological dad. I just think he didn’t care quite as much as Stefan did AND he has this certain level of fear too. That either Josh won’t live up to their expectations, or will be a jerk or something (and since you read The Thoreaus you know he won’t be 😉 But Tobi and Stefan don’t know that ;P)

      Not that it excuses Tobi’s behavior. It doesn’t. At All. He messed up so badly :-/

      Liked by 1 person

  8. TOBI, come on! This was way more important to Stefan and you go and do that to him? 😛 At least Colette has some sense.
    Also, WHO is being mean to my child, Jocelyne. I will fight with my life for smol cinnamon bun 😀

    Liked by 1 person

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