3.26: Impossible

I finally did it.

I talked to Mama last night… About my Papa…

And… I don’t even know what to think anymore.

Shit.

04-07-16_9-39-57 PM

I just couldn’t put it off any longer, y’know? I mean, with Tobi and Colette getting married, and having the twins…

Not to mention seeing Mama and Jonas with Clara…

04-07-16_6-19-42 PM

I couldn’t stop thinking about my Papa. And I needed to know the truth, once and for all.

You should have seen the look on her face when I told her we needed to talk… At first, I didn’t really get it.

04-07-16_9-29-57 PM

Then I remembered what happened the last time one of us told Mama we wanted to talk to her. And I’m pretty sure I almost laughed out loud. As if I’d ever be as dumb as Tobi was. Katrina and I are very careful. And I made sure to tell Mama that before she had a stroke.

But… then things got pretty serious.

04-07-16_9-32-00 PM

I asked her for the truth. The whole truth. None of that sugar-coated crap she used to tell us when we were kids. I just needed an answer – Who’s my Papa?

And then, she told me.

04-07-16_9-38-49 PM

I think that somewhere, deep down, I always knew the answer. Maybe that’s what kept me from COMPLETELY losing it. But still. Finally hearing her say it… It was worse than I ever could have possibly imagined.

“I don’t know.

04-07-16_9-34-53 PM

It felt like she’d slapped me across the face or something. I almost wanted to scream. Hell, maybe even cry.

But I remembered how much trouble I’ve gotten into before with my damn temper. And… I kept it together pretty well, all things considered.

But it was so fucking hard. And I still said a few things I’m not exactly proud of.

04-07-16_9-35-42 PM

Mama didn’t go into many details… and I guess she didn’t have to. I mean, if she doesn’t even know who he is, then… Then that would mean she… She was a…

Oh God, I don’t even wanna think about it.

And that’s not even the worst part.

04-07-16_9-45-00 PM

I mean, think about it. If she doesn’t even know who our Papa is… Then how the Hell are Tobi and I ever gonna find him? How can we possibly know where to look?

It’s like everything I’d always dreamed of since I was a little kid all came crashing down or something… Shattered, y’know? Destroyed.

And there’s no way I can ever pick up the pieces.

I was so mad. SO fucking mad.

But then Mama started crying. She asked me if I hated her. If I could ever forgive her.

04-07-16_9-38-06 PM

What kind of asshole would I be if I told her what I was really thinking? If I told her how angry I was? How much she’d crushed me?

I couldn’t.

04-07-16_9-36-54 PM

But after, when I was up in my room… Oh God, I really hope no one ever reads this.

Last night, for the first time I can remember. I cried. Like, actual fucking sobs into my pillow until I fell asleep. It was humiliating. And I felt like such a damn baby…

04-07-16_9-42-58 PM

A baby who will never know his real Papa, I guess.

I’ll never find him. Not now.

It’s impossible.

04-07-16_9-46-04 PM

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41 Responses to 3.26: Impossible

  1. julyvee94 says:

    I want to hug Stefan and Mari so bad right now 😦

    Liked by 4 people

  2. Simslover163 says:

    Poor, poor Mari and Stefan!! You two needs hugs right now! 😦 #TeamHugs
    Don’t give up, Stefan. Eventually, your biological father will eventually come.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Farbkleckswelten says:

    Poor Stefan. I hope He’ll understand some day that finding out who his father is wouldn’t change a thing about who HE is and how his life turned out.

    Liked by 5 people

  4. Jes2G says:

    Gosh. Poor guy. I feel sorry for him.

    But…in other news…my wheels are spinning, and you know why and I can’t figure out how in the world…

    Liked by 2 people

  5. Senna says:

    Poor Mari and Stefan.

    I kind of want to smack Stefan for thinking such nasty words towards his mother, but…

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Yeah, it’s a really tough situation 😦 And he was very upset… But he loves Mari very much and will hopefully not hold a grudge!

      Like

  6. JoieWilder says:

    My poor Stefan. 😦 It does look pretty unlikely that he’ll ever manage to find his father.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. kaffepigen says:

    This is so sad, but I can’t say I didn’t see it coming. We all know that Mari has been around…

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Virtualee says:

    omg can you imagine having that conversation if YOU were MARI??!! “yeah well…I don’t exactly know whom of all my plethora of one night stands actually fathered you son…as my downstairs department was not an exclusive club at the time. Want a cookie?”

    Yes, just kill me now is how I would feel womp womp…hopefully they will figure something out.

    Liked by 7 people

  9. audreyfld says:

    They both need hugs – from each other. But I am glad she told him. He cried which is good. Something about letting it out is cathartic and I hope he is big enough to forgive her and not slip into the same self-pity that she did. I don’t think he will but I really want him to come to terms with it. It is what it is. He is no less of a person because of it. He needs to look past where she came from and understand that it was he and Tobi that began her transformation. They saved their mother from continuing down that road to self destruction. Then Jonas completed it and made them a family. Jonas is his father for all intents and purposes. Once he realizes that he can be “whole” and will know that he always has been. Baby steps Stefan.

    And if bio dad shows up, well probably a whole lot more drama. Poor Stefan if that happens. This could go so many ways. 😛

    Liked by 5 people

  10. raerei says:

    Maybe now that he knows, he can finally give Jonas a break!

    Liked by 3 people

  11. sonniejj says:

    Poor Stefan… And poor Mari. Her past is catching up with her. But it’s good she was honest to him. Maybe now he can finally let go of some anger and hurt … Hopefully

    Liked by 1 person

  12. theplumbob says:

    I actually think this is a good thing for Stefan. Once he gets over the initial shock/sadness/anger, knowing the truth should be quite liberating for him. Finally, he won’t have to constantly wonder what awful things had gone one between Mari and his dad, about what his dad must have done, or why he abandoned them… Also, now he knows that Mari wasn’t keeping their father away from them for all these years on purpose, just out of spite. He can finally learn to accept it all. Because now he knows where he stands.

    That being said I have no doubts he will eventually meet his father, purely because this is fiction. But I also think it would be fine if he didn’t. There’s plenty people out there in his position in real life.

    Also, sheesh, so many characters in this are so narrow-minded about casual sex (including Mari herself, ironically). No you don’t necessarily need to exchange business cards with people to sleep with them, as long as you’re safe (both protection-wise and being in a safe environment-wise) it’s completely fine. So quit judging, Stefan! 🙂

    Liked by 4 people

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Hopefully this will prove to be a good thing for Stefan in the long run, yes! We will see in time 🙂

      Like

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      And as for the narrow-mindedness, given everything this family has gone through I think it makes sense for them to feel that way haha

      Like

  13. Amber says:

    I’ve been a silent reader for a while now, but it’s time to leave a comment. After stumbling upon this legacy and reading D2D because of it, I am SO in love with your stories and this family. It’s so amazing that I don’t even know how to explain! Truly am looking forward to the next updates, so keep up the good work! ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  14. silentwolfy101 says:

    This poor family… Look what you’ve done, Citizen!

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Poor Mari and Steffi…

    Liked by 1 person

  16. They both need hugs! </3

    Liked by 1 person

  17. aww this brought a tear to my eye so sad

    Liked by 1 person

  18. theceltygirly says:

    I actually got some chills, I dunno why, but poor Stefan :/

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      I’m really happy to see you reading again, CeltyGirly! 🙂

      This one was so hard for Stefan. It was like everything he’d ever dreamed of became impossible. The poor kid 😦

      Like

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