2.39: Falling Apart

Do you ever feel like… you’re dreaming or something? Like what’s happening can’t be real? Like the things you’re doing and saying are being controlled by someone else? Like you’re standing off to the side, just watching…?

I know, I know… I feel like that all the time. But… now more than ever.

Everything’s just falling apart so fast.

It all started last night. When Lina took the babies.

Yeah, I know how bad that sounds. And it is. I’m so fucking mad at her. Probably more mad than I’ve ever been in my life, if you can believe it. But… I dunno. I feel something else, too. Something almost good. I just wish I could think of the name for it.

I waited up all night for my parents to come home. It wasn’t like I’d be able to sleep anyway, even if I tried.

02-19-16_6-02-01 PM

I sat them down in the kitchen as soon as they walked through the door, and told them about what happened with Lina… But they already knew everything, I guess. Turns out they’d been in on the whole thing. And it didn’t really surprise me, to be honest.

02-19-16_6-04-09 PM

We talked for a long time. And… it wasn’t easy. It fucking sucked, actually. It was so hard not to get mad. So fucking hard.

But I just kept thinking of my boys. And that helped, a little.

02-19-16_6-05-08 PM

I guess they’ve been planning this for a while… All Lina’s idea, of course. Mãe and dad even handed me a list of phone numbers they’d collected…

All the best therapists in the area.

Fuck.

02-19-16_6-07-11 PM

We all cried for a while. We must have looked pretty fucking ridiculous. They just kept telling me how much they love me… How much they believe in me.

And I didn’t really know what to say. So I just listened. And cried.

I went up to my room after that. And I sat there for a long time. I was so fucking scared. And I couldn’t even explain WHY. To be honest, I still don’t think I can.

02-19-16_6-56-34 PM

But it all still feels so pointless. I know I’m gonna fuck this up somehow. No matter how hard I try, I ruin everything. It’s like I’m cursed or something. Destined to be a fuckup for the rest of my life.

But…

02-19-16_6-55-35 PM

I just kept thinking of my boys. Quiet and curious little Stefan. My wiggly, babbling Tobias. I miss them so much. I love them so much. More than I’ve ever loved anything.

I have to try… don’t I?

02-19-16_6-57-07 PM

I have an appointment next Tuesday.

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36 thoughts on “2.39: Falling Apart

    1. Yes! 🙂 It took us like 20 chapters, but she is finally taking the first steps toward recovery! What a relief to write this one XD I know not everyone will agree, but I think it took a lot of bravery for her to pick up that phone. So I am #TeamMari today 😛

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    1. “YAY!” is right! Hehehe we’ve been waiting for this for so long. And actually, Mari has been slowly but surely getting herself into the right mindset for this. Lina’s push was the last thing she needed 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

    1. BAHAHAHAHA! I had a feeling you’d like this one!!!! When you first did #SendMariToATherapist I was like “omg PeaceSign will be happy” 😛

      Liked by 1 person

  1. *sighs with releif*
    You go, gurl! I know a girl who had counciling, and she totally changed for the better and is now much more confident and enthusiastic and loves herself that little bit more. *Does happy jig and chants:* We’re gonna get the old Mari back! We’re gonna get the old Mari back! No more screaming at the computer! Yay! Yay! 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I love your comments so much ❤ Hehehe I'm so happy you're happy! ^_^ And yes! Therapy can COMPLETELY transform a person and change their life! I have had both friends and family members go through counseling and every single one of them came out of it as a new person. Sometimes it takes years and many setbacks, but sticking with it is worth it for the end result.

      Let's hope Mari sticks with it! 😉 (I am teasing to make you a little scared hehe don't mind me :P)

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Tee hee hee…feeling a bit cheeky today :-p

    (ahem)

    Theory #9549834048:
    Things go very well with the therapist…VERY well. So well, that’s the dude in the picture! LOL XD I kill me.

    Liked by 5 people

  3. I am so happy that Mari is finally getting help. I’ve never been to therapy, but I know how hard it is to ask for help. It took me over a year to finally get medicated for depression. I hope that Mari goes to the appointment and sticks with the therapy. Those boys need their mom!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I have been on and off therapy for over 10 years and know just how hard it can be to get better (which today I am!). I hope she sticks with it. This was even better than I had imagined it would be like \o/ #TeamMari FTW!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Ok so I did another massive binge read on this! I really can’t help myself with your stories.
    What a roller-coaster of emotion it brought me this time. I kinda understand Mari and her problems, but jeez Louise it took her a hell lot of time to get her act together. I just hope this doesn’t have one of you famous dramatic turn of events.

    PS: Loved Humberto! Such a hunk.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Aww yay!!!! I’m glad you enjoyed this and had fun with your binge read ^_^ Thank you so much! And yes, Mari took us on a crazy roller coaster ride 😛 Thank you for putting up with her hehe

      Like

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