2.38: Fair

I can’t stop thinking about what I wrote last night.

About what’s best for the boys.

02-19-16_5-05-44 PM

I still stand by what I said… It’s not me. It can never be me.

But the more I think about it, the more I realize how much I want it to be.

02-19-16_5-05-35 PM

I want to be a good mother. A normal mother. A happy mother.

There’s so much I want to be for them.

02-19-16_5-07-05 PM

But I can’t.

I just can’t.

02-19-16_5-08-06 PM

And… I know the way I’ve been doing things isn’t exactly fair to my parents, okay? I get that. I do.

But you know what’s even less fair?

My beautiful babies having to grow up with a piece of shit like me for a mother.

02-19-16_5-09-26 PM

They’re so sweet right now. So innocent.

But as soon as they’re old enough, they’ll find out what I am.

02-19-16_5-11-30 PM

And they’ll hate me for it.

I know they will.

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23 Responses to 2.38: Fair

  1. Jes2G says:

    Ok… #BabySteps

    I can be ok with this…for now.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. JoieWilder says:

    This is a good side of Mari to show. It’s really obvious how broken she is. I actually haven’t been fond of her in the past, but I’m feeling much more sympathy for her recently, especially right now.

    Liked by 2 people

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Thanks! Yeah, she is a lot more self-aware than she used to be. She knows what she’s doing is wrong, but she doesn’t know how to break out of this :-/

      Liked by 2 people

  3. I can’t possibly imagine what would make her change her mind about this. Maybe when the boys are older and she’ll see they don’t hate her?
    But that wouldn’t be very realistic. If she fell this deep because her boyfriend cheated on her…and not even motherly love could help her… I’m losing hope.

    (Also, will we ever find out who is the father? 😛 )

    Like

  4. maladi777 says:

    Come on, Mari. Stop being such a coward and start fighting for love of your babies!

    People keep saying she needs love to get better, but Humberto already tried.

    If her maternal instincts haven’t kicked in yet, I really have no idea what could possibly help her. Alien abduction maybe. That one hasn’t been tested on her yet. #AlienAbductionForMari it is then today. 😀

    Liked by 2 people

  5. kaffepigen says:

    I’m sensing she’s starting to see a little bit more clearly. But she’s far off still.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. silentwolfy101 says:

    Mari…

    *emotional check*
    I still don’t forgive you for what you did…

    *emotional check failed*
    I’m sorry. Okay? I highly doubt they’d “hate” you. Maybe disappointed. Maybe mad. But not hate. You’re still their mother, and no matter what, they’ll love you, just like most kids love their parents. You may not be their best friend, but you’ll still be their mother. Just… Please, stay away from all the men, stay away from the alcohol… That’s what they’d be upset over.

    *emotional check restarting*
    I mean, that’s what I’d be upset over…

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Hales says:

    They wont hate you if you change *cough hint hint cough*

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Spottydog714 says:

    Mari! They’ll hate you if you’re not around for them!
    Why are you saying you’re shit?
    Because you think you’re a slut?
    But if you teach your kids that isn’t a good thing and bring them up like a normal mother by staying around, then you won’t be screwing around every night, therefor you won’t be being a slut, and can be like, oh, I did something stupid but I have you so its cool and I don’t do that anymore…’ and you will be a good mother. They won’t hate you for bringing them into the world… It just means they can go on an epic quest to find their father!

    Grr…

    All the same, at least you do care. I’m sympathetic and want to hug you right now… I just have a weird way of being sympathetic. Still… I have hope… I’m seeing an improvement.

    Only three more chapters? I shall look forward to the grand finalie! 🙂

    (Oh, and, Team #MakeMariReadTheComments, because she needs to know that we all love her and are rooting for her! 😀 )

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Simslover163 says:

    I wonder who will be the father of those babies.

    As for you, Mari, stop being a scaredy cat and start fighting for the love of your cutie pies!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. The question is, is she self-aware to try hard enough? Alex and Jade can’t pull their heads out of their…okay I’ll stop.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Recognising is the first step, Mari. Keep at it, lass.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. theceltygirly says:

    The first step is wanting to change :3

    Liked by 1 person

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