I can’t stop thinking about what I wrote last night.
About what’s best for the boys.
I still stand by what I said… It’s not me. It can never be me.
But the more I think about it, the more I realize how much I want it to be.
I want to be a good mother. A normal mother. A happy mother.
There’s so much I want to be for them.
But I can’t.
I just can’t.
And… I know the way I’ve been doing things isn’t exactly fair to my parents, okay? I get that. I do.
But you know what’s even less fair?
My beautiful babies having to grow up with a piece of shit like me for a mother.
They’re so sweet right now. So innocent.
But as soon as they’re old enough, they’ll find out what I am.
And they’ll hate me for it.
I know they will.