2.33: I’m Sorry

I’m sorry.

You both deserve so much better than me.

!

I’ve already done one Hell of a job fucking up my own life. And now… Well, I think I’m already fucking up yours.

I waited until your grandparents were asleep before heading out last night. I knew they’d never let me go. And I think you didn’t want to let me either. I felt you squirming and kicking. It was like a warning. Like you knew.

1

I’m just so goddamn bored sitting around this fucking house day after day. I can’t stand it. And it’s not like I have anywhere to go, or anyone to hang out with. Not anymore. Not since I pushed everyone else away.

No Miguel. No Natalia. No Humberto…

It’s unbearable. It’s lonely. It’s…

Well, it sucks.

I don’t know what the Hell I was thinking. I must have stood outside the place for a good five minutes, just staring like some sort of fucking moron.

2

I just needed to feel better. A little pick-me-up. Something to numb the pain again, y’know?

But what guy would wanna spend the night with a fucking whale like me? I’m huge now. I’m disgusting. I don’t know what got into me… But it was a mistake being there. I knew it. I hadn’t even walked through the door and I was already so ashamed… Ready to run home.

And I should have.

But I didn’t.

3

You should have seen the bartender’s face. It was like she thought I’d walked into the wrong place or something. And when I opened my mouth to order, she just kinda stared for a little bit.

Guess I couldn’t blame her. I mean, how often do you get some pregnant whale waltzing up to the bar asking for your strongest drink?

4

She didn’t look too happy, and even offered me some water instead. But in the end, I guess she couldn’t turn down a paying customer.

5

I knew I shouldn’t have. I knew it was wrong. But one drink couldn’t really hurt, could it?

6

I lost count after my third.

7

I fucked up. I’m sorry.

I don’t know what made me snap out of it, but one minute I was sitting there feeling pretty fucking great, and the next I was stumbling home as fast as my legs could carry me… Which was pretty damn hard in those heels.

9

You were both kicking and squirming again, the entire way home. And I know why.

I was hurting you. I was risking your health – maybe even your lives – all so I could make myself feel better for one fucking night.

10

I’ve known for a long time that I’m a terrible daughter… A terrible sister… A terrible girlfriend…

Now I guess I’m a terrible mother too.

I don’t remember how long I cried before I finally passed out on the bed.

11

I love you.

I love you both so much.

And I’m so sorry you’re stuck with a fucking screwup like me.

12

I don’t think I’ve ever been so scared in my entire life. What if I already hurt you? What if you come out all fucked up or something because of me?

That’s what I deserve, maybe. But not you. Never you.

This isn’t your fault, it’s mine.

It always is.

I’m sorry.

13

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66 Responses to 2.33: I’m Sorry

  1. Senna says:

    Oh Mari. 😥

    But now I’m worried for those twins of hers.

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      I know. She’s so not in a good place to handle pregnancy/being a mother *sigh* (on the bright side, she never does this again during her pregnancy. She scared herself enough to not do it again. So… That’s good? Kinda?)

      Like

  2. Jes2G says:

    Gosh. This girl! Download my SimSelf have her give her a nice long loving hug. You know what though? At least she knew she was wrong this time. True, she did it anyway, but she knew it wasn’t right. I smell growth! This is good.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. audreyfld says:

    Seeing the babies once they are born will hopefully do it. She is already falling in love with them. Unless the stress of twins pushes her over the edge. I have no idea where this is heading.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. maladi777 says:

    Okay… First minute I really thought she was going to go drown herself or something, and I thought: Give birth to those poor innocent babies first and then I’ll be more than happy to push you off the cliff myself!
    And then she went to the bar and drank and drank… And it reminded me of a girl I used to call a friend. She was a heavy smoker and didn’t lower her daily dose nicotine even when she was pregnant. These kinds of women who like to call themselves mothers really make me fume with rage! GRRR!

    Liked by 2 people

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Okay, THAT’S the type of reaction I was expecting hehehe. I suppose the “good” part of this is that Mari has kinda scared herself straight with this experience. She’s not going to drink again for the rest of her pregnancy.

      I feel sad that you wanna pus her off a cliff though. I promise that there is a good person inside of her!

      Like

      • maladi777 says:

        My opinion on Mari is quite low now. Look at what she has done to herself, to her parents, just because of one breakup! Because of one boy she didn’t even get intimate with. And with Humberto, she couldn’t or didn’t want to recognize the real thing, when she had it right under her nose. I can sympathize with a heartbroken person, I really can, even if I don’t sound like that right now. 😀 But I admire inner strength and Mari hasn’t showed us any. She’s a coward, wallowing in self-pity, hurting people who are trying to help her. I can’t sympathize with that. 😦 I don’t think she can redeem herself in my eyes. Too late for that.

        Liked by 2 people

        • CitizenErased14 says:

          Wow, this comment bothers me a lot more than it probably should haha. I guess all I can say is that I’m really sorry you feel that way and I hope you don’t stop reading.

          Liked by 1 person

    • theplumbob says:

      I know what you mean about her overreacting to just one breakup, and I agree, but that being said I have actually seen people go down a downward spiral just because of one breakup, so it does happen. Different people have different tresholds, I guess.

      In terms of the drinking, I think it would be different if she was drinking heeps throughout the enotre pregnancy, but this seems more like one slipup. Still wrong, selfish and risky, but I can understand it. It would take really strong will to go fully cold turkey for somebody as messed up as she is.

      Liked by 2 people

      • theplumbob says:

        Excuse the typos – I’m on my tablet! 😀

        Like

      • CitizenErased14 says:

        *nods* I have unfortunately seen that happen too! 😦 So sad.

        And as for the drinking… Oh goodness, Mari messed up SO badly this time. But like you said, this is a one-time slip-up. She has definitely learned, and will not be touching alcohol again for the rest of her pregnancy (which will basically be torture for her LMAO).

        Like

  5. JoieWilder says:

    Okay, where’s my cudgel? Team #CudgelMari

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Spottydog714 says:

    And I thought at the title this would mean she was apologizing to Humberto or her parents or someone… But this was so much better! I knew baby love would give her the push she needs to start snapping out of it! And… I’m glad she knows alcohol effects the child… Mari is finally starting to climb out of the dark place she’s in. Finally! And stop being so negative about yourself! Your parents, sisters, Humberto and your kids all love you!
    Also, love the new look, Citizen! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Hales says:

    Why Mari whyyyyyy😭😭

    Liked by 1 person

  8. silentwolfy101 says:

    GOD FUCKING DAMMIT MARI!

    Liked by 1 person

    • silentwolfy101 says:

      I post this, then look up two posts, and all I see is “I love your positivity!”

      Liked by 1 person

      • CitizenErased14 says:

        Hahahaha there are two extremes going on here 😛 Being mad at Mari for her actions and being happy at her honesty/recognizing her mistake. Two perspectives 😛

        Liked by 1 person

        • silentwolfy101 says:

          I mean, yeah, I’m kind of glad that she’s *finally* being honest, but… God dammit…

          *no forgiveness…*

          Liked by 1 person

          • CitizenErased14 says:

            You also break my heart 😦 Hopefully she can turn around your opinion of her eventually XD

            Liked by 1 person

            • silentwolfy101 says:

              I’m sorry… But she broke me… And pissed me off severely, past the point of tears and screaming…

              Maybe she can, but once somebody reaches that level of pissing-me-off… It’s EXTREMELY difficult to gain redemption…

              Like

              • CitizenErased14 says:

                😦 Well I am very sorry that you feel that way. You definitely aren’t alone, but it still makes me very sad. I hope you find a way to enjoy the rest of Generation 2 (and all of Gen 3!). Mari will take a backseat for 4 and beyond, so you’ll be safe then haha

                Liked by 1 person

                • silentwolfy101 says:

                  I’ll probably enjoy gen 3 (as long as they’re not like Mari), and it’s possible that I *might* enjoy the rest of gen 2…

                  Like

                  • CitizenErased14 says:

                    Mari plays a pretty big role in Gen 3, that’s what I was referring to haha.

                    Liked by 1 person

                    • silentwolfy101 says:

                      Yeah, I had a feeling… :3

                      Like

                    • CitizenErased14 says:

                      Well I am hoping to somehow find a way to convert the Mari-haters hahaha. But you are allowed your opinion. It’s just hard. I am very attached and love this character, so hearing her torn apart so ruthlessly hurts. (But it’s not just you hahaha)

                      Liked by 1 person

                    • silentwolfy101 says:

                      *hugs* I was a Mari sympathizer before, if only a little bit. And, I’ll be honest, I do feel bad, but… Mari did something that even I am not okay with, and I’m okay with a lot of things… That’s the one thing I am not, and never will be, okay with. I will never be okay with willingly putting another life in danger, even if it is a sim’s life. Even if the person regrets it afterwords. That’s what’s breaking the deal for me… Aaaaaand Humberto… Had she not have went out and done this specific thing, then there was a chance of forgiveness. I was actually kind of sort of joking when I said there’d be no forgiveness over Humberto… But not so much with this…

                      Liked by 1 person

                    • CitizenErased14 says:

                      I respect this opinion. It’s okay. 🙂

                      Liked by 1 person

                    • silentwolfy101 says:

                      Okay. *hugs*

                      Like

  9. rinellie says:

    😦 This was a tough one to read. I mean, I’m glad she clearly regrets her decision, but what a decision it was. I hope she can move past this and not continue hating herself forever.

    Liked by 2 people

  10. peacesign101 says:

    Oh Mari, the things you do to Eggs and Bacon (my new idea for the babies name). At least she loves Eggs and Bacon and realizes she did wrong, hopefully things get better!

    Liked by 3 people

  11. Farbkleckswelten says:

    Oh my… this is dark.

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Thank you for the binge read! ^_^ And yeah, things are kind of dark at the moment… But I promise there is a light coming eventually! Thanks again for reading!

      Liked by 1 person

  12. 😦 Poor Mari. It’s everyone’s fault here really. Alex, Jade, and Mari’s. When people are so far down the rabbit hole that they can’t climb out, they need a rope or a ladder or a hand. If it’s not there…they’re trapped. It’s awful!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. CitizenErased14 says:

    Yeah this one was really tough to write about 😦 Thankfully it was a one-time only thing. No damage done, thank God! This experience scared her straight for the rest of her pregnancy.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Oh no 😦 Mari, you’re getting better, just keep at it. At least you know what you’re doing is wrong now.

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Baby steps for sure! She wants to change. But she is very psychologically damaged and needs help! But will she get it??? Keep reading… 😛

      Liked by 1 person

  15. theceltygirly says:

    This just broke my heart.
    Satan. (That’s just what I’ll say every time you destroy my feelings.)

    Liked by 1 person

  16. nooooooooo mari what are you doing girl

    Liked by 1 person

  17. skcaga6 says:

    I want 5 minutes in a room alone with Diego. No witnesses and no questions asked about where the body may be hidden afterwards.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. theceltygirly says:

    I completely forgot that this happened.
    Well fuck. It’s so sad.

    Liked by 1 person

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