Looks like I haven’t touched this thing in a few weeks. Just been too busy, I guess. Not like there’s much to say anyway.
Nothing new. Nothing exciting.
Well… Almost nothing.
There’s Humberto, of course. I already made the biggest friggin’ mistake of my life by getting in bed with him… So I figured I may as well roll with it.
And he’s, well… Aw, fuck it. I’ll be honest this time.
He’s amazing. (And I don’t just mean in bed, either).
I don’t think I’ve ever met someone so… real. I don’t know how else to say it. People always talk about “wearing your heart on your sleeve”. That’s Humberto to a T. And it’s a kind heart. A warm one. Nothing like mine.
And he’s just so passionate, y’know? About lots of things, really. But mostly that music school of his. Hearing him talk about it… It’s like that excitement it contagious or something. He’s so optimistic and driven… The exact opposite of me, actually. Kinda funny, huh?
I bet it all sounds pretty romantic and all that shit…
And that’s because it is. It’s romantic. It’s perfect. And so is he. Sometimes I look at him, and I feel like I’m really starting to
But it’s not.
There’s definitely something wrong with him… Because he’s too fucking blind to see everything that’s wrong with ME. He won’t SHUT UP about how “amazing” I am. “Smart”, “Funny”, “Beautiful”… He thinks he knows me, but he doesn’t. That’s not me. I’m worthless. I’m no good for him. I’ll just drag him down. And I keep waiting for the day when he realizes it. Because when he does
There’s only one reason he keeps hanging out with me… And it’s right between my legs. I’ve known that ever since the first day we met. Of course, the reason I let him hang out with me is between his too, so… Fair is fair. And at least we have one Hell of a good time together. I’m still waiting for the day when he wises up and learns he doesn’t have to sweet-talk me with any of that deep or romantic shit anymore. I’m already wrapped around his little finger. And the rest of his fingers too, for that matter…
I’m just waiting for him to finally admit it, you know? I’m only good for one thing. I’m too fucked up to be with anyone. Especially him. He deserves better than me. And I certainly don’t deserve anyone like him. I’m just too much of a fucking coward to finally grow a pair and end it already. But it’s only a matter of time before he figures it out and does it himself. I know he will. I’ve known since the first day we met. I can never be what he wants me to be. I can’t. I’m no good for him. I’m no good for anyone.