2.18: Numb

Note: The following chapter contains adult language (in both English and German!)

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I was so scared that I almost didn’t go through with it.

I must have been shaking like a fucking leaf or something, because the bartender kept asking me if I was okay.

Was he for real? Of course I wasn’t okay! What a stupid Arschloch. Didn’t even make my drink right. But I drank it anyway, of course. Liquid courage… that’s what they call it, right? Well I definitely needed some… Even if it tasted like shit.

!

Anyway, I was halfway into my third drink when I saw him walk in. Figures that fucking Scheißkerl would decide to show up…

2

For a second, I thought I was gonna throw up. Ha! I would have loved to see the bartender’s reaction to that one…

Then I considered running back home. As in, literally running for the door (In those heels? Who was I kidding?) and getting as far away from there as possible…

But you know what? The more I thought about it, the more I realized I was actually glad he was there. It was just the push I needed to go through with it.

1

So I downed the rest of my glass and headed for the stairs. Of course, I was still scared shitless. But… determined too, I guess.

4

And believe it or not, I didn’t even give Diego a second glance. Ich scheiß auf ihn. I had my eyes on someone else…

5

I could tell right away that I’d made the right choice – I could smell the alcohol on this guy’s breath before I even said a word to him. Who knew it would be so easy? A few cute smiles and I had him wrapped around my little finger. Piece of cake!

I don’t know if that Scheißkerl was watching… But I’ll be honest. I sure as Hell hope he was.

6

Anyway, we danced together for, what? Three, four songs?

Then he took my hand, and asked me back to his place.

Perfect.

7

It couldn’t have been more than an hour later when I left him snoring against the pillow.

And you know what?

Mãe was right after all.

It wasn’t romantic, or special. I didn’t feel any rush of affection for this guy. Hell, I don’t even remember what the poor bastard’s name was.

9

But man, did it feel good.

I’ve spent nearly two weeks feeling, well, almost nothing. Just… Hopeless. Helpless. Numb.

Do you know how incredible it was to finally feel something again?

10

And I don’t just mean physically. That part was pretty good too, don’t get me wrong. But I felt powerful, you know? Attractive. Wanted. Happy.

All the things Diego had taken from me, I finally had back again… And then some. It was fun. It was empowering. It was a high I’ve never felt in my entire life.

11

Is that what I’d been missing out on for all these years? Well, damn.

If I ever run into that lying sack of shit again, maybe I should thank him.

12

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45 Responses to 2.18: Numb

  1. kaffepigen says:

    Wau her bad-girl side is really coming through now 😀

    Liked by 2 people

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Yeahhhhh “nice” Mari kinda died when Diego broke her heart hahaha. A transformation has occurred! And maybe not for the better… (thanks for reading!)

      Liked by 2 people

  2. Senna says:

    Is it weird that I leap to the most recent chapter as quickly as I can when I see you update? (Because it makes me feel obsessive and such. I don’t know, I love this story quite a lot)

    That being said: Oh, Mari. I want to hug her right now. (And I get the feeling I’ll want to even more in the next few chapters or so)

    Liked by 2 people

  3. virtualee says:

    It’s moments like this I struggle with because I want to high five her for taking control of her life, but at the same time wants to warn her to be careful take it slow…::puts her bowl of rocky road ice cream aside and dumps a handful of marshmallows in her mouth:: PS she looks hawtness!!

    Liked by 3 people

  4. JoieWilder says:

    Oh, Mari. You make me sad.

    Liked by 2 people

  5. peacesign101 says:

    Mari :O You naughty girl! xD Hopefully this phase won’t last for too long!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Jes2G says:

    Oh boy! Here we go…

    Liked by 1 person

  7. raerei says:

    Great banner!!

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Spottydog714 says:

    Ermm… *My goody-two-shoes-ness coming through here*. As always, I loved the update, but I don’t know what to make of new Mari’s behavior. I wonder if a nooboo is on the way…

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Spirashun says:

    Well at least the guy was pretty cute. Get it, girl!

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Amber says:

    I’m all caught up 😦 Great chapter! Can’t wait for the next update, also Diego is an evil plum!!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. theplumbob says:

    Ooh, I love this chapter. Don’t get me wrong, it’s an incredibly bad decision on Mari’s part. But at her age and in her situation, I would have done/have done exactly the same. So I can see where she’s coming from. And I know first hand it only helps short term. In any case, here you go again with your extremely relatable characters! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Thanks! Your reaction is basically spot-on with what I was going for haha. She’s making a bad choice, and doing it all for the wrong reasons, but I also want people to sympathize with her a bit. I’m very glad that you are able to, and I appreciate your kind compliment about my characters ^_^ Thanks for reading, as always, and I hope you are well! ❤

      Like

  12. silentwolfy101 says:

    And here comes Jade Junior! XD
    I’m honestly kind of proud of Mar-Mar, but… At the same time… I do not condone this…

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Hahahaha yes, Jade Junior, but doing it for alllll the wrong reasons. Which makes it much worse than Jade, I think 😛 (Also OMG You are psychic! Do you remember that comment you made several chapters ago? Predicting that Mari was gonna have her heart broken and end up like her mother? I read it and was like o_O hahahaha So props to you! :P)

      Liked by 1 person

      • silentwolfy101 says:

        XD I can read your miiiiiiiiind. :3 Even if I don’t remember it the next day… XD

        And yeah, I agree. Much worse. But, then again, I’m one of those people who goes “As long as it doesn’t directly affect me or people I care about, you do you, and I’ll do me. Have fun.”

        Liked by 1 person

  13. maladi777 says:

    You should switch the chapter titles, “Something drastic” fits this one better. 😀
    So… when are we going to see the baby that comes out of this action? 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    • CitizenErased14 says:

      Lol! Jumping to conclusions already, I love it XD As for chapter titles, I’m boring and always choose a word/line from the chapter itself, which is how the titles worked out this time haha. In the last chapter, Alex wanted to do “something drastic”, and then we get a peek at Mari herself also preparing to do “something drastic” herself: This one is “Numb” because that’s how Mari said she was feeling after she broke up with Diego, but she’s still very numb/cold/unfeeling (maybe even moreso!) even after the encounter.

      She definitely did something drastic in this chapter though 😉 I just did my usual “pick a line from the chapter” thing with the titles here 😛

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Oh, well, this is exactly what I was afraid of. It’s totally understandable, though. I just don’t want her to lead this lifestyle for all the wrong reasons. Or to just abandon the idea of love completely.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. Simslover163 says:

    MARI!!! What on earth? Here we go again…..

    Liked by 1 person

  16. >.< I miss romantic Mari!

    Liked by 1 person

  17. Well, that’s certainly a 180-change of view. I hope she doesn’t regret it later :/

    Liked by 1 person

  18. theceltygirly says:

    “Arschloch”
    I only know what that means from reading The Book Thief haha!
    No! Mari, No! Oh no 😦

    Liked by 1 person

  19. EmmaLeeXOXO_C says:

    Yesss Mari, you go girl! … Just not too fast.

    Liked by 1 person

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