2.18: Numb

Note: The following chapter contains adult language (in both English and German!)


I was so scared that I almost didn’t go through with it.

I must have been shaking like a fucking leaf or something, because the bartender kept asking me if I was okay.

Was he for real? Of course I wasn’t okay! What a stupid Arschloch. Didn’t even make my drink right. But I drank it anyway, of course. Liquid courage… that’s what they call it, right? Well I definitely needed some… Even if it tasted like shit.


Anyway, I was halfway into my third drink when I saw him walk in. Figures that fucking Scheißkerl would decide to show up…


For a second, I thought I was gonna throw up. Ha! I would have loved to see the bartender’s reaction to that one…

Then I considered running back home. As in, literally running for the door (In those heels? Who was I kidding?) and getting as far away from there as possible…

But you know what? The more I thought about it, the more I realized I was actually glad he was there. It was just the push I needed to go through with it.


So I downed the rest of my glass and headed for the stairs. Of course, I was still scared shitless. But… determined too, I guess.


And believe it or not, I didn’t even give Diego a second glance. Ich scheiß auf ihn. I had my eyes on someone else…


I could tell right away that I’d made the right choice – I could smell the alcohol on this guy’s breath before I even said a word to him. Who knew it would be so easy? A few cute smiles and I had him wrapped around my little finger. Piece of cake!

I don’t know if that Scheißkerl was watching… But I’ll be honest. I sure as Hell hope he was.


Anyway, we danced together for, what? Three, four songs?

Then he took my hand, and asked me back to his place.



It couldn’t have been more than an hour later when I left him snoring against the pillow.

And you know what?

Mãe was right after all.

It wasn’t romantic, or special. I didn’t feel any rush of affection for this guy. Hell, I don’t even remember what the poor bastard’s name was.


But man, did it feel good.

I’ve spent nearly two weeks feeling, well, almost nothing. Just… Hopeless. Helpless. Numb.

Do you know how incredible it was to finally feel something again?


And I don’t just mean physically. That part was pretty good too, don’t get me wrong. But I felt powerful, you know? Attractive. Wanted. Happy.

All the things Diego had taken from me, I finally had back again… And then some. It was fun. It was empowering. It was a high I’ve never felt in my entire life.


Is that what I’d been missing out on for all these years? Well, damn.

If I ever run into that lying sack of shit again, maybe I should thank him.


49 thoughts on “2.18: Numb

    1. Yeahhhhh “nice” Mari kinda died when Diego broke her heart hahaha. A transformation has occurred! And maybe not for the better… (thanks for reading!)

      Liked by 2 people

  1. Is it weird that I leap to the most recent chapter as quickly as I can when I see you update? (Because it makes me feel obsessive and such. I don’t know, I love this story quite a lot)

    That being said: Oh, Mari. I want to hug her right now. (And I get the feeling I’ll want to even more in the next few chapters or so)

    Liked by 2 people

  2. It’s moments like this I struggle with because I want to high five her for taking control of her life, but at the same time wants to warn her to be careful take it slow…::puts her bowl of rocky road ice cream aside and dumps a handful of marshmallows in her mouth:: PS she looks hawtness!!

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Hahahaha she is super beautiful! And she gets a haircut *points to new banner* that I think makes her even hotter haha And yeah, mixed feeling all around for what Mari’s doing right now, I think…


    1. Hahaha don’t worry about it 😉 (don’t tell the other readers, but you aren’t “supposed” to approve of this hehehe. Not that there’s anything wrong with the people who do! The wide range of reactions is actually interesting and somewhat unexpected haha)


    1. You are so awesome for binge-reading so quickly! Hahaha thank you so much! And yes, Diego was baaaaad. Poor Mari! 😦 Thanks again for reading! 🙂

      Liked by 2 people

  3. Ooh, I love this chapter. Don’t get me wrong, it’s an incredibly bad decision on Mari’s part. But at her age and in her situation, I would have done/have done exactly the same. So I can see where she’s coming from. And I know first hand it only helps short term. In any case, here you go again with your extremely relatable characters! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks! Your reaction is basically spot-on with what I was going for haha. She’s making a bad choice, and doing it all for the wrong reasons, but I also want people to sympathize with her a bit. I’m very glad that you are able to, and I appreciate your kind compliment about my characters ^_^ Thanks for reading, as always, and I hope you are well! ❤


    1. Hahahaha yes, Jade Junior, but doing it for alllll the wrong reasons. Which makes it much worse than Jade, I think 😛 (Also OMG You are psychic! Do you remember that comment you made several chapters ago? Predicting that Mari was gonna have her heart broken and end up like her mother? I read it and was like o_O hahahaha So props to you! :P)

      Liked by 1 person

      1. XD I can read your miiiiiiiiind. :3 Even if I don’t remember it the next day… XD

        And yeah, I agree. Much worse. But, then again, I’m one of those people who goes “As long as it doesn’t directly affect me or people I care about, you do you, and I’ll do me. Have fun.”

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Lol! Jumping to conclusions already, I love it XD As for chapter titles, I’m boring and always choose a word/line from the chapter itself, which is how the titles worked out this time haha. In the last chapter, Alex wanted to do “something drastic”, and then we get a peek at Mari herself also preparing to do “something drastic” herself: This one is “Numb” because that’s how Mari said she was feeling after she broke up with Diego, but she’s still very numb/cold/unfeeling (maybe even moreso!) even after the encounter.

      She definitely did something drastic in this chapter though 😉 I just did my usual “pick a line from the chapter” thing with the titles here 😛

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I feel so bad for her! She was such a romantic like her dad and then that little *bleep* had to hurt her like this. I hate that her first time wasn’t with someone special like she had planned. I could just drop kick Diego and give Mari a big bear hug 😦

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah, this has totally destroyed her emotionally 😦 I think Mari has always had some underlying issues (especially feeling like she’s the “bad” kid while her sisters get more attention from her parents and stuff) and this situation has just brought everything to the forefront :-/ It breaks my heart 😭 and she could totally use that hug!

      Liked by 1 person

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